A True Queer Love (TQL) update
Nov. 3rd, 2014 12:02 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
momentsgoneby.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
getithere Hi everyone!
This post has been long time coming. Whenever I’ve attempted to gather my thoughts and get something down in writing I get stuck in the balancing act of being open with you all and - as a very private person, with great reason – remain a comfortable level of privacy. As much as this post is not about me or my life, it has everything to do with it at the same time.
I have over the last year received a few questions about TQL; is it offline, what’s happened and is it permanent? I have answered the few that have asked me directly and known that I should make a post about it, but the words and the energy have been lacking.
So, let’s start out simple by stating that yes, TQL is offline.
The why is a bit harder to explain, but bear with me?
It started when I discovered that the site had been hacked. It was nothing major and would be easy to fix, but as time didn’t allow me to do it right away, I chose to put the site in offline mode until I had a chance to correct the malicious code. I did this both to protect the members and other readers, but also to keep more malicious code from being inserted through the current crack.
Here is where it all starts getting complicated.
With a rich life with children and partners (both romantic and business) I only had so many hours free in a day. When it was first decided that we were going to move TQL to a new server and dedicate an archive for our stories, rather than them being posted in posts on a message board, there were five of us, each with an assigned role to play, to develop and maintain the site. For various reasons people left and I was left to shoulder all the tasks on my own. I asked for help a few times and there have been others interested in helping out, but one after one they have disappeared, either because of unforeseen demands in “real life” or simply by fading away when they realized what such a role really entails. I did what I could to keep the site current and pleasant for people to use.
By the time I found that we had been hacked and there was malicious code inserted into the code, my life was at an all time high level of stress and anxiety. My mother in law was fighting cancer for the third time and though only a country away, it put great demands on us as a family. We all wanted to do our most to be there for her while fulfilling our other responsibilities. My own mom had been showing more and more signs of illness and combined with a stalker and an upcoming trial, TQL was what had to give for me to manage my days. I felt bad about it then and I still do.
Christmas came and both mothers were getting worse.
Then my brother’s two dogs had to be put to sleep, both in same day and both so greatly loved by me and my children. We soldiered on through a trial and thought that maybe, just maybe things would start get better. It didn’t. My mother-in-law passed away, leaving a husband of over fifty years, a partly paralyzed husband after suffering a stroke a few years earlier, and a brother in law behind. And us, still a country away. My partner had to leave for a tour and we all shared our time between home, tour and my father-in-laws. Then the next blow came. My mother had steadily became worse, but it was still hard when the diagnose front temporal dementia came. If you know nothing about this form of dementia I can sum it up as one of the nastiest forms there is. There’s no cure, no medicine to halt the progress and way too little research going on and my mother needs almost constant minding.
Then my father got pneumonia and got hospitalized. We live in a country with great health care, but my father’s treatment was still far from simple. Due to a previous severe injury my father was resistant to most drugs used when treating pneumonia and while they struggled to find a working solution my father’s life hung in the balance. He made it and is now back, good as… well, good as a man his age.
That leaves us about a month short of present day. I’ve struggled both to regain my sense of footing in life, but also with finding the words.
So for the last question “Is it permanent?”, I can only answer “I don’t know. It depends and I would like your input here before I decide anything.
To simply open up TQL right now, in current situation, won’t happen. It would be irresponsibly of me when I know I don’t have the time or energy to maintain and develop it on my own.
There are a few options available as I see it:
1. I, and you, hope that one day I will have the time and energy to put up TQL again in all its glory.
2. I, when time given, clean the files and downgrade TQL to be an archive only.
Gone will be the forum, the games, the gigant photo archive of all things QaF and its actors and the video clips. All things I’ve worked real hard creating.
3. I get help.
I clean the files and get things back online, as soon as life allows it, and you readers and potential users of TQL have the chance to volunteer to help out. For this to ever be a real option anyone that volunteers has to stand by their word. I won’t take on anyone that can’t back up their mouth. There is no power or glory in being an admin.
4. I, when given time, upload story by story to LiveJournal were there will be no server costs, no maintenance, other than what I feel I have time for, needed.
5. I, and you, say goodbye to TQL.
I will remain in the fandom and will be free to pursue other projects and adventures as time allows me.
TQL’s being or non being has never been about me, my ego or even about money.
Money and donations will not change anything. Only time and people’s generosity with their own time can help. I am very interested in hearing your thoughts and/or ideas. I only ask of you to help keep this thread civil. I will read all responses and get back where needed and as time allows. I will however not answer any private questions. This was my one and only attempt at being open and laying all the cards on the table. You are free to ask, but I will not answer unless I know you (and not of you). If I do, I will answer in a private message.
As it is, I will take my joy where I can find it. As time permits you might see more of me as I post snippets/ficlet-y little pieces that’s been hidden away on my computer that![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
galeandrandy thinks I should share. That and banners, so they are collected somewhere, as my own private site is down as well as it shared server with TQL. Please allow me to spend my spare time in whatever way brings me joy, just as I do you.
If you have read all this; thank you!
/Nickie a.k.a. MomentsGoneBy
Posted with Admin Permission
This post has been long time coming. Whenever I’ve attempted to gather my thoughts and get something down in writing I get stuck in the balancing act of being open with you all and - as a very private person, with great reason – remain a comfortable level of privacy. As much as this post is not about me or my life, it has everything to do with it at the same time.
I have over the last year received a few questions about TQL; is it offline, what’s happened and is it permanent? I have answered the few that have asked me directly and known that I should make a post about it, but the words and the energy have been lacking.
So, let’s start out simple by stating that yes, TQL is offline.
The why is a bit harder to explain, but bear with me?
It started when I discovered that the site had been hacked. It was nothing major and would be easy to fix, but as time didn’t allow me to do it right away, I chose to put the site in offline mode until I had a chance to correct the malicious code. I did this both to protect the members and other readers, but also to keep more malicious code from being inserted through the current crack.
Here is where it all starts getting complicated.
With a rich life with children and partners (both romantic and business) I only had so many hours free in a day. When it was first decided that we were going to move TQL to a new server and dedicate an archive for our stories, rather than them being posted in posts on a message board, there were five of us, each with an assigned role to play, to develop and maintain the site. For various reasons people left and I was left to shoulder all the tasks on my own. I asked for help a few times and there have been others interested in helping out, but one after one they have disappeared, either because of unforeseen demands in “real life” or simply by fading away when they realized what such a role really entails. I did what I could to keep the site current and pleasant for people to use.
By the time I found that we had been hacked and there was malicious code inserted into the code, my life was at an all time high level of stress and anxiety. My mother in law was fighting cancer for the third time and though only a country away, it put great demands on us as a family. We all wanted to do our most to be there for her while fulfilling our other responsibilities. My own mom had been showing more and more signs of illness and combined with a stalker and an upcoming trial, TQL was what had to give for me to manage my days. I felt bad about it then and I still do.
Christmas came and both mothers were getting worse.
Then my brother’s two dogs had to be put to sleep, both in same day and both so greatly loved by me and my children. We soldiered on through a trial and thought that maybe, just maybe things would start get better. It didn’t. My mother-in-law passed away, leaving a husband of over fifty years, a partly paralyzed husband after suffering a stroke a few years earlier, and a brother in law behind. And us, still a country away. My partner had to leave for a tour and we all shared our time between home, tour and my father-in-laws. Then the next blow came. My mother had steadily became worse, but it was still hard when the diagnose front temporal dementia came. If you know nothing about this form of dementia I can sum it up as one of the nastiest forms there is. There’s no cure, no medicine to halt the progress and way too little research going on and my mother needs almost constant minding.
Then my father got pneumonia and got hospitalized. We live in a country with great health care, but my father’s treatment was still far from simple. Due to a previous severe injury my father was resistant to most drugs used when treating pneumonia and while they struggled to find a working solution my father’s life hung in the balance. He made it and is now back, good as… well, good as a man his age.
That leaves us about a month short of present day. I’ve struggled both to regain my sense of footing in life, but also with finding the words.
So for the last question “Is it permanent?”, I can only answer “I don’t know. It depends and I would like your input here before I decide anything.
To simply open up TQL right now, in current situation, won’t happen. It would be irresponsibly of me when I know I don’t have the time or energy to maintain and develop it on my own.
There are a few options available as I see it:
1. I, and you, hope that one day I will have the time and energy to put up TQL again in all its glory.
2. I, when time given, clean the files and downgrade TQL to be an archive only.
Gone will be the forum, the games, the gigant photo archive of all things QaF and its actors and the video clips. All things I’ve worked real hard creating.
3. I get help.
I clean the files and get things back online, as soon as life allows it, and you readers and potential users of TQL have the chance to volunteer to help out. For this to ever be a real option anyone that volunteers has to stand by their word. I won’t take on anyone that can’t back up their mouth. There is no power or glory in being an admin.
4. I, when given time, upload story by story to LiveJournal were there will be no server costs, no maintenance, other than what I feel I have time for, needed.
5. I, and you, say goodbye to TQL.
I will remain in the fandom and will be free to pursue other projects and adventures as time allows me.
TQL’s being or non being has never been about me, my ego or even about money.
Money and donations will not change anything. Only time and people’s generosity with their own time can help. I am very interested in hearing your thoughts and/or ideas. I only ask of you to help keep this thread civil. I will read all responses and get back where needed and as time allows. I will however not answer any private questions. This was my one and only attempt at being open and laying all the cards on the table. You are free to ask, but I will not answer unless I know you (and not of you). If I do, I will answer in a private message.
As it is, I will take my joy where I can find it. As time permits you might see more of me as I post snippets/ficlet-y little pieces that’s been hidden away on my computer that
galeandrandy thinks I should share. That and banners, so they are collected somewhere, as my own private site is down as well as it shared server with TQL. Please allow me to spend my spare time in whatever way brings me joy, just as I do you. If you have read all this; thank you!
/Nickie a.k.a. MomentsGoneBy
Posted with Admin Permission
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2014-11-03 11:27 am (UTC)I should have been more present, more here ... I should have helped more, maybe you wouldn't be in that snafu :(
Anyway, my offer still stands :D and I'm pretty sure the website I'm part off, wouldn't mind hosting you ... you know how to join me and how to contact me . ...
Love
Sam
no subject
Date: 2014-11-03 02:19 pm (UTC)no one could have foreseen this last year and a half. As much as it was just a hack that took TQL offline, it's been lack of time and energy that has kept it that way.
I really appreciate your offer and have had it in mind all along since we talked, as I tried to find words for this post (which, as you have noticed, took me ages). You know me, I'm super private and this is... well not. I finally just sat down and wrote and posted what came out and this was it.
To be honest, the hosting is the smallest part in all this. I really appreciate that you care and that you offer. Don't feel bad, what if's won't help neither you or me. We'll take it from where we are now and see what everyone else have to say.
/Nickie
no subject
Date: 2014-11-03 12:34 pm (UTC)Learn more about LiveJournal Ratings in FAQ (https://www.dreamwidth.org/support/faqbrowse?faqid=303).
no subject
Date: 2014-11-03 02:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-11-03 11:54 pm (UTC)I <3 U!
no subject
Date: 2014-11-03 03:44 pm (UTC)I just want to say that I read your story and I admirer your honesty.
I really love TQL and was sad when it was'nt online anymore, but I understand after reading this. This being said I'm a complete idiot when it comes to computers and everything around it, and my personal life and other hobby's keep me so bussy that I wont make promisses I probably cant keep. I can only say it would be a big loss for the qaf fandom to lose TQL but I totally understand your need for help, if nobody offers help I would recommend option 4.
Thanks for the update and good luck in your real life.
no subject
Date: 2014-11-04 07:53 pm (UTC)I really appreciate it.
Choice for TQL
Date: 2014-11-03 05:09 pm (UTC)Re: Choice for TQL
Date: 2014-11-04 07:59 pm (UTC)I really appreciate it.
I'm glad you saw my post as thoughtful rather than just whiny.
It felt important to try somehow to convey that TQL has always been important to me and I wanted people to understand why it's offline. That it didn't just disappear on a whim.
no subject
Date: 2014-11-03 07:37 pm (UTC)And wish you and your family all the good things that exist.
English is not my native language. I hope I managed to express what I wanted
no subject
Date: 2014-11-04 08:00 pm (UTC)Thank you for taking the time to both read and give me some input and thank you for the well wishes.
I really appreciate it.
__________
Edited to correct an error
no subject
Date: 2014-11-03 11:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-11-04 08:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-11-04 12:10 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-11-04 08:12 pm (UTC)You know how I agonized over trying to be open and still feel comfortable about it. I don't do public openness well and then when I do because I really didn't want anyone to think that this was about ego or money (as previous archive disappearance have been) I end up doing it extra publicly. Thanks LJ.
I unscreened that comment (from LJ) strictly because I knew you'd get a laugh out of it. You know how much I care about being popular, I really could have done without this "honor" and yeah, Voldy will always be Voldy.
no subject
Date: 2014-11-04 01:07 am (UTC)I will always think of TQL as my first love when I discovered the world of online Fandoms, and especially Fanfics. I only became a Fanfic writer thanks to the encouragement of fellow TQLers and am forever in TQL's debt for that. I still have a shortcut on my computer to the site, even though I know it has been offline for some time.
Of the choices you've given for the future, I think you should definitely go with the one that works best for you, because you are the one who has put your blood, sweat, tears, and devotion into it the most. I support whatever decision you make. Bless you, and my sincerest condolences on your losses and family traumas. I pray all will turn around and run smoothly very shortly, as life always does. Warmest hugs, Grammy
no subject
Date: 2014-11-04 08:26 pm (UTC)I really appreciate that you took your time to read and leave me a comment. It means a lot.
TQL have always been as dear to me as many others, but in the end something had to give.
I really hope LIFE™ will lighten up here soon. Luckily I have my wonderful family to help me see and appreciate all the good things, no matter how big or small, and help put a smile on my face.
Hugs,
Nickie
no subject
Date: 2014-11-04 04:15 pm (UTC)I was sorry to hear that you are getting through tough times. Things tend to come in waves. I hope in time it gets easier and wish you luck.
I would like to thank you for your work until now, your site provided me with endless hours of fan fun. I hope you still stay in the fandom, this time without pressure, just for fun!
no subject
Date: 2014-11-04 08:29 pm (UTC)I'm happy that TQL have brought you lots of joy. Hopefully it will again. I haven't decided on anything so far. I'm not gonna rush it.
I will definitely stay in the fandom. You'll find me somewhere in the background as always as time and energy will permit me.
no subject
Date: 2014-11-04 04:59 pm (UTC)Thank you for sharing what you've been going through. You're a very brave person.
no subject
Date: 2014-11-04 08:31 pm (UTC)I haven't decided on anything as of yet. I won't rush it.
I'll keep you in mind and will get back to you once I have reached a decision, however temporary it might be.
no subject
Date: 2014-11-04 10:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-11-10 10:35 am (UTC)I'm touched that so many care, not only about the site, but also about me and mine and have taken the time to comment.
"You sound like such a loving person"
How ever did I manage that? *smiles*
I hope I am.
"I wish you all the best."
I wish you the same.
/Nickie